婚活女子の心構え

婚活で心が折れないためにやるべきこと

こんにちは、Kanaです。

普段からたくさんの婚活相談を受けていて、「みんな心が折れるタイミングが早いぞ」と感じています( ◠‿◠ )

こんなやり方だったら心臓がいくつあっても足りないし、結婚するまでに100回くらい心折れるんじゃないかと心配になるんですよ( ;  ; )

なので、今回は婚活で心が折れないためにやるべきことをお伝えしていきます。

 

付き合って2〜3ヶ月経たないと結婚できる相性かどうかは分からない

まず知っておいて欲しいのは、付き合って2〜3ヶ月経たないと結婚できる相性かどうか分からない」ということなんです。

 

例えば付き合う前に「この人だ!結婚相手にするならこんな人!!私のことも気に入ってくれてる!」と思ったとして、相手もあなたにゾッコンだったとしますよね。

そうすると「これは完全に結婚できるパターンだよね・:*+.\(( °ω° ))/.:+!」と思っちゃうじゃないですか。

でも、いざ付き合ったら「なんか違う・・・」とお別れになることもザラにあります。

 

付き合う前から「この人だ!!」と思って期待してしまう人が多いんです。

その状態で、3回目のデート前に音信不通になった、彼氏に突然振られたとなると、期待している分激しく落ち込みます。

アプリだと、相手が積極的にメッセージ送ってくれていたのに、会う直前になってブロックされたとか。

立ち直れないほど落ち込んでしまうんですね。

自己肯定感が低めの人・恋愛経験が浅い人は「私が何か間違ったことをしてしまったからだ・・」とか「やっぱり私は選ばれないんだ」と自分のせいにしてしまいます。

でもこれってただの「相性」だし、ただ「相手がそこまでの気持じゃなかった」だけだし、アプリに至っては「アプリってそんなもんだよ、よくある話」なんですよね。

それを知らずに、自分が「期待」してしまっているからひどく落ち込んでしまうんです。

付き合って2〜3ヶ月経たないと結婚できる相性かどうか分からない」と理解し、期待しなければ「彼じゃなかったんだ、次に行こう」と切り替えることができますよ。

もちろん、誰に出会ってもうまくいかないことが続く場合は「なぜうまくいかないのか?」という分析は必要ですが、今回は割愛します。

 

結婚できる相性とは?

結婚は、2人でいても1人でいるみたいな「楽さ」が必要だし、相手で悩むことがない「安心感」が必要なんですよ。(信じなきゃ!と思っちゃうと長続きしません)

相性というのは本当にあって、こちらが良かれと思ってやったことに相手が怒ったり、ジョーダンのつもりが相手をとても傷つけていたり。

手をつなぐことに違和感を覚えたり。

でもこれって、どうしようもないんですよね。

努力でどうにかなるものではないんです。

外見磨きやメンタル、婚活などやるべきことはやって、あとは受け入れてくれる相手かどうかなんです。

努力するべきところと、努力でどうにもならないところを分けて考えられるようになることが大事ですね。

 

婚活のゴールは入籍するまで

「結婚がゴールじゃない」は本当その通りなんですけど、婚活で苦しんだ身としては「一旦ゴール切らせてもらってもよろしいでしょうか?」という気持ちです( ´ ▽ ` )

私がブログやオンラインサロンでお伝えしたいのは、結婚後も末長く仲良くできる相手と出会う方法です。

そのためには自分の人生について考えなきゃいけないし、自己肯定感が必ず必要になってくるから、それをコンテンツにしてます。

まあ、それはさておき。

婚活のゴールは「入籍するまで」。

フルマラソンみたいなもんです。

婚姻届が受理されるその日まで、何があるか分かりません。

私の周りでもいただくご相談でも「婚約破棄」がザラにあります。

だから、一つの目安として2〜3ヶ月まではどうなるか分からないな、そのあと順調に進んでも入籍までは本当にどうなるか分からない。

それくらい慎重になっていたほうがいいです。

結婚報告も、プロポーズされた時点でいろんな人に話してしまうと、婚約破棄になった場合、大ダメージを受けます。(本当に立ち直れないほど傷つきます)

プロポーズされたのに、親に反対されて婚約破棄というパターンも少なくありません。

結婚式の準備で揉めて別れてしまったということも。

なので、プロポーズされ、お互いの両親の顔合わせも終わり「あと2ヶ月くらいで入籍かぁ。」としみじみお茶飲んで今までの婚活を懐かしく振り返られるくらいの状態になるまでは、近しい友人くらいに留めておくことをおすすめします。

 

付き合って2〜3ヶ月目までは、お互いを知る期間

それまでは、どうなるか全然わかりません。

なので「期待しない」こと。

心が折れないためには必要な考え方です( ◠‿◠ )

無料の結婚力診断



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  32. IsaiahRop より:

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  33. Chesterdrift より:

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  34. SpencerFam より:

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  35. KeithVog より:

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